What is this worth to you? The price of a new car? Suppose it was free?One problem with living in America is that people tend tomeasure their sense of self-worth and well-being in terms of dollars and cents.
One reason I started this blog was that I found myselfheading off in a direction I did not want to go to. I was trying to buy happiness in terms of owning things, only todiscover that owning things was a pretty shallow experience and not an end inand of itself. Worse yet, it turned outto be a form of slavery – the more you owned, the more you had to pay to keepall this bling and crap, so the harder you had to work.
I changed my priorities and tried to find ways to cutexpenses, own less, do more, and be happier. And it went against and goes against most everything many folks hold dear inthis country.
And most people just don’t get it. One youngster e-mailed me, wanting to know how to strike it richas quickly as possible. To him, moneywas something that you needed lots of, and the goal in life was to spend it asfast as possible, buying show-off things like cars and smart phones, soeveryone would know you had money – or at least think you did. And if this meant going heavily into debt todo so, so be it.
And his attitude reflects that of most Americans. And most Americans are heavily in debt andunhappy. They assume that having moremoney equates to more happiness – and their only complaint in life is the lackof money.
And yet, one of the most popular sayings in America is“Money can’t buy happiness” – and yet few believe it, and in fact, most makefun of it. Only a chump would believesuch nonsense, right?
What got me thinking about this was a town we visited herein the hills of North Carolina. It isone of those towns – and there are a lot of them in North Carolina – wherewealthy Floridians come to, in the summer months, to escape the heat ofFlorida. They build “look at me” housesin the mountains, and then patronize the candle shops, gift stores, and hokeyrestaurants in the towns that spring up to service these faux communities.
The streets are lined with Real Estate Agencies, developer’soffices, and a myriad of support companies (furniture, carpet, etc.) thatprovide services to the people building their “dream home in the mountains”right next door to someone else’s dream home.
We found it to be generally repulsive. There was so much commercial developmentthat the place was, in fact, no longer attractive. Whatever had attracted people to the mountains to begin with, wasdrowned a sea of tacky subdivisions, billboards, and “exclusive” gatedcommunities.
And it got me wondering. Are these people really happy doing this? Why do they leave Miami – a sea of ugly if there ever was one –to come to another one, up in the hills? And why do they feel that their “dream mountain vacation home” has to bein such-and-such a development (where all the smart set moves) rather than on aseclude 50 acres 100 miles away (with a better view and a real mountainsetting)?
And the answer is, of course, that such folks look at lifeas a series of menu choices – “upscale” possessions to be bought, with theprice tag indicating the ultimate inherent value of something – with the higherthe price being an indicia of greater happiness.
Of course, that is fine for people who really have real money. But many lesser folks, including the middleclass, get caught up in this game, and end up going broke – and being unhappy –trying to spend their way to happiness.
They are the upper-middle-class “strivers” as Vance Packard calledthem. Today these are the“six-figure-salary poor” who whine they are living “paycheck to paycheck” asthey try to spend their way to happiness, one installment payment at a time.
And it is hard to break free of this mentality. We were discussing our finances recently,and our situation is so oddly different from most of our friends. We have a decent net worth, but very lowincome. Most of our friends make 2-3times as much as we do, but are heavily in debt, and have little insavings. Why is this? And which is a better way to live?
The temptation – and it is a strong one – is to measureyourself against others in terms of annual income. After all, if Joe Blow is making $90,000 a year as a Verizontechnician, shouldn’t you be making more? And if not, why not?
Comparing yourself to others, however, is a fool’sgame. And using income, instead ofoverall wealth and happiness, is a false indicia. There are legions of Americans making more money that you, buthave less in the bank, owe the bank money on everything they possess (but donot own) and are miserably unhappy.
Money can’t buy happiness, they say. But perhaps a better way of phrasing thisidea would be to say, “Money isn’t a good indicia of happiness.”
I met a young man the other day, while touring the DixieCaverns in Roanoke. He said he wantedto be a tour guide for that slightly run-down tourist attraction of the 1930’s,for over four years – since he was in his teens. And now he was working there and he loved it. He loved the caves, he said, and he couldn’tthink of any job that would make him happier. He was, however, going to school to study for a “real job” that wouldpay “good money.” His parents pushedhim to take that career path, as they believed that happiness was equated to abig paycheck, and having a job skill that would bring in a big paycheck was allthat mattered.
I told him, “If you can get paid to do something you love todo, you’ve got it made!”
Perhaps a career at the Dixie Caverns was not in the cards –after all, the pay, even with tips, could not be all that great. But it seemed sad to me, that thisyoungster, who was so clearly in love with these caves and caverns in general,would someday chuck it all to be a physician’s assistant or an X-ray tech. I wonder, maybe 20 years from now, with astack of bills to pay, a mortgage (and a second mortgage) and kids in school,and a boss that he hates, if he would wish he had found a way to stay in thespelunking business.
I wonder.
Money is not a means of keeping score, as some wags wouldtell you. It is not a path tohappiness. It is, however, a means ofbeing independent – if you use it wisely and accumulate some, rather than spendit all and borrow even more.
I am at a point in my life, at age 52, where I could decidenever to work again for the rest of my life, provided I spent money carefully and didn't blow it all on subscription services and car payments. And that is, to me, something more powerful and desirable than a leasedAcura or 500 channels of cable TV or a new smart phone. Being able to live a life I want to live, asopposed to what my boss wants me to do, is to me the ultimate happiness.
And money makes this possible – money saved not money earned and spent. So, the folks in the fancy houses and thefancy cars, with their smart phones and giant televisions with all the channelscan look down on me all they want. I amfinishing up a eight-week vacation, one of several vacations I take throughoutthe year. Which is better? To me the answer is simple: I’drather own myself than own things.
So, I will resistthe temptation – and it is a strong temptation, in this country – to measuremyself by the yardstick of annual income or what is parked in my driveway. Lives cannot be measured in dollars and cents,but in terms of depth of experience. And no two are the same.
But like I said, inthis country, it is hard to resist the temptation to measure yourself in termsof money or income. But resist thetemptation. Because no matter how much youmake, there will always be someone making more and you will always come uplacking as a result. By definition,such measurements are sure to lead to unhappiness.
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